THE APERTURE SCIENCE ONLINE APPLICATION QUESTIONNAIRE
<08 APERTURE SCIENCE ENRICHMENT CENTER VOLUNTEER APPLICATION FORM>
PLEASE READ BEFORE COMMENCING APPLICATION QUESTIONNAIRE!
Thank you for expressing interest in the Aperture Science Enrichment Center testing program. By completing
this application you are volunteering to participate in one or more standard unspecified experimental testing
scenarios. Aperture Laboratories can not elaborate on the nature of any testing until said testing has begun,
and in certain cases can not clarify the intent of the test until successful completion, or death.
As part of a required protocol, we must advise you of the following hazardous conditions:
• The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate
objects as alive, and hallucinations.
• To ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, do not destroy vital testing apparatus.
• Avoid contact with any Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill as it may result in partial vaporization.
At this time the Enrichment Center would like to alert you that in certain testing scenarios you may be
assigned an Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube. This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany
you through your test. Please take care of it. Certain protocols render your Companion Cube indispensable,
as it will assist in various requisite tasks. The Enrichment Center would like to take this moment to warn you
that the Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact can not speak. In the event that the
Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. Upon completion of
given tasks you may be required to dispose of your Companion Cube in an Aperture Science Emergency
Intelligence Incinerator. Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment
Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion
Cube euthanizing process. Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, 8 out of 10 Aperture
Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain. If it could
talk, and the Aperture Science Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it can not, it
would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.
As part of a required test protocol we will not monitor the test. You will be entirely on your own. Good Luck.
Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience. The enrichment center apologizes
for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.
this application you are volunteering to participate in one or more standard unspecified experimental testing
scenarios. Aperture Laboratories can not elaborate on the nature of any testing until said testing has begun,
and in certain cases can not clarify the intent of the test until successful completion, or death.
As part of a required protocol, we must advise you of the following hazardous conditions:
• The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate
objects as alive, and hallucinations.
• To ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, do not destroy vital testing apparatus.
• Avoid contact with any Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill as it may result in partial vaporization.
At this time the Enrichment Center would like to alert you that in certain testing scenarios you may be
assigned an Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube. This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany
you through your test. Please take care of it. Certain protocols render your Companion Cube indispensable,
as it will assist in various requisite tasks. The Enrichment Center would like to take this moment to warn you
that the Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact can not speak. In the event that the
Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. Upon completion of
given tasks you may be required to dispose of your Companion Cube in an Aperture Science Emergency
Intelligence Incinerator. Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment
Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion
Cube euthanizing process. Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, 8 out of 10 Aperture
Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain. If it could
talk, and the Aperture Science Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it can not, it
would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.
As part of a required test protocol we will not monitor the test. You will be entirely on your own. Good Luck.
Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience. The enrichment center apologizes
for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.
YOU MAY BEGIN THE APPLICATION!
Please answer all the following questions truthfully and to the best of your ability.
Good luck!
Please note a question has been removed from this online application, but is available on the PDF format.
Please answer all the following questions truthfully and to the best of your ability.
Good luck!
Please note a question has been removed from this online application, but is available on the PDF format.